A Night They Can't Remember
by Peryton
Summary: Natasha and Clint are getting married, so Tony decides to throw the archer a bachelor party in Vegas. Things quickly get out of control as Steve, Thor and Tony struggle to get the groom back to Natasha in time for the wedding. Essentially the Avengers living through the events of the Hangover. Mostly Clint/Natasha also some Tony/Pepper and maybe some Steve/Maria later on.
1. Prologue

_**Hey guys, so this is just the storyline from the movie The Hangover except played out in the Marvel universe with the Avengers instead. Inspired by a post I found on tumblr, I don't know if anyone's done this already. I apologize ahead of time if you have. I don't own any of the characters, plots, or dialogue from The Hangover or The Avengers. I just thought this was a fun idea, and couldn't resist writing it out. I hope you enjoy, feel free to leave your comments.**  
_

Natasha Romanov sat in the SHIELD living room, angrily trying to get a hold of each one of their cells. Clint, Steve, Tony; each time it went straight to voicemail.

"Where the hell are you guys." She growled under her breath as she tried Clint's cell again. Today was her wedding day, she and Clint were getting married. His proposal hadn't exactly been a surprise, but her saying yes was. She wasn't ready for this. _I'm a Russian assassin, I don't do romance and I certainly don't do marriage_. She'd been saying that for years, whenever she'd even entertained the idea of a relationship with Clint. But it had happened, God knows how. And now he'd gone awol. Right when she needed him most.

Pepper walked over to her and set her hand gently on Natasha's shoulder.

"Anything?" She asked, concerned. Natasha glared at her in response.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Coulson called from where he read the newspaper on the couch. "I'm sure they're fine, it wouldn't be the first time we've lost contact with them. They've probably just lost track of time." Coulson's calm demeanor did nothing to sooth Natasha's growing unease.

"It's not like they're on a SHIELD mission." Pepper angrily retorted. "It's Natasha and Clint's wedding day, you don't go off the grid when you're having your wedding the same day."

Natasha's cell phone rang, she jumped up from her chair and answered it.

"Romanov." She said.

"Hey Natasha, it's Tony." His voice said from the other end.

"Stark, where the hell are you guys." She snapped. "Pepper's freaking out." She said, unwilling to mention her own mental disarray. Pepper was looking at her intently, listening to the conversation.

"Yeah, about that, listen…we…. Uh," his discomfort apparent even over the phone. He sighed deeply. "We fucked up."

"What are you talking about." Natasha all but growled into the phone as she strode across the room and away from the others, she didn't trust herself to keep up her emotionless mask.

"The bachelor party, the whole night…Things got out of control." He paused. "We lost Clint." Natasha stopped pacing abruptly. This had to be one of Stark's stupid pranks to piss her off. She could not take this, not today. She was marrying Clint, this was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. He had no right to take off on her now. This had to be a joke.

"What." It was more of a statement than a question, Natasha's voice was a deadly calm. If Stark had been in the room with her right at that moment she would have snapped his neck, right then and there.

"We can't find Barton." Stark said from the other end of the line, he sounded oddly deflated.

"What are you saying Stark." Natasha growled. "We're getting married in five hours!" Her voice rose slightly. She bit the inside of her cheek, _not now Natasha you can get emotional later_.

"Yeah," Stark said in reply, "well that's not going to happen."


	2. Chapter 1

_**Just like to mention that I really have no idea how this would fit into the avengers timeline. I guess it's sometime between the New York attack and the whole Mandarin fiasco. Also, I'm not going to be including Bruce in this story very much, I just couldn't think of a scenario involving him and Vegas that didn't involve the city being destroyed.**_

**Two Days Earlier**

Clint and Thor were being fitted for suits by one of SHIELDs private tailors. They were in one of SHIELDs California bases, in a room stocked with supplies for undercover agents. Clint had come to this tailor any number of times for undercover ops, but this time his suit was for something real, something infinitely more important.

He still couldn't believe she'd said yes. He'd half expected her to up and stab him, but that was a risk he'd been willing to take. Clint had always been happy with her as a friend, partner whatever she'd be willing to give him really. But he'd known he loved her, had since he first met her. So he'd decided to tell her, and by some miracle she hadn't killed him for it. Instead she'd admitted to feeling the same way, not in so many words, but she'd still said it. It all seemed far to good to be true.

Clint had already had his suit adjusted for him, and was putting his casual clothes back on, while watching the tailor work on Thor's suit. The Asgardian really was ridiculously large, made all the more obvious by the trouble the tailor had making the suit fit.

Personally, Clint would have been fine if Thor had shown up in his traditional Asgardian gear, and Natasha couldn't have cared less. It was actually Fury who'd shot the idea down. Fury and Pepper had basically planned the whole wedding themselves, with the occasional input from Coulson. Even though Fury never explicitly said it, it was obvious he was happy about this marriage. Everyone was actually. Sure Stark had been poking fun at the two assassins for it, and Fury had been complaining about the legal complications of two SHIELD agents tying the knot, but deep down they were both happy for the Archer and his Spider.

The tailor had finished working on Thor's suit and turned to leave.

"Thanks." Clint muttered as the man left.

"It is a strange custom." Thor said, even though he wasn't yelling, his voice still boomed like thunder.

"What is?" Clint asked as he finished buttoning his shirt up.

"These clothes." Thor made a face as he gestured to his outfit and started removing his pants to change into his casual wear. Clint smirked. Before he could say anything Coulson and Natasha entered the room, both in casual clothing. Clint grinned at his bride to be, who cocked an eyebrow and turned to look at Thor. The God of Lightening had removed his pants and was standing awkwardly in his underwear, caught entirely off guard.

"Lady Romanov, Agent Coulson, apologies for my appearance. I did not hear you knock." Thor said, cheeks reddening, as he grabbed his pants and started pulling them back on. Coulson, trying to hold his laughter in, gestured the Asgardian over.

"Sorry we didn't knock, I figured you'd be changing in the washroom. Grab your clothes, Jane and Darcy should be arriving shortly to see you off." He said. Thor obeyed grabbing his street clothes and following Phil out of the room, leaving Clint and Natasha alone. She shut the door behind Thor, then slowly started walking back across the room toward Clint.

"Can you believe it's just two days away." She said as she walked over. Clint sighed slightly.

"I know," he said with a smile as he leaned back against the desk. "You getting nervous?" His blue eyes locked with her green ones as she approached.

"You wanna back out?" He asked, he said it lightly as a joke, but he meant it seriously and he knew she'd know that.

"Shut up." She growled lovingly as she slipped up against his chest and kissed him. Clint wrapped his arms around her and held her close while they kissed. Wondering for the thousandth time how he'd managed to win her over. Their lips slipped apart and he stared into her eyes, those gorgeous eyes. He'd never get sick of looking into them.

"I don't need to go to Vegas," he said sincerely "it's dumb."

"It's one night. And Starks been planning your bachelor party for months, we'd never hear the end of it if you didn't go." She pointed out as she fiddled with his shirt collar. He smiled and leaned his forehead into hers, his eyes closing as he savored their closeness.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Natasha asked quietly.

"Don't worry, I'm sure I can handle the three stooges for one night without your help." Clint smirked, eyes still closed.

"If you say so, but Stark does tend to bring out the worst in you." She said with a grin. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Natasha purred as she kissed him again, lightly, just barely touching his lips before slipping away and leaving him alone leaning against the desk.

Clint walked out of the building, with his duffle bag swung over his shoulder, and headed over to where Phil was standing at the sidewalk. His old S.O. smiled at him fondly.

"Thanks for giving us the week off." Clint said. He and Tasha seldom went a full week without being sent off on one of SHIELDs goose chases.

"No need to thank me," Coulson said with a smile, "Far be it from me to do anything to mess this up for you and Natasha." He slapped Clint on the back as the two started walking down the sidewalk towards the garage.

"It all seems so surreal." Clint said.

"You're telling me." Phil replied, "I never thought I'd see the day when the Black Widow agreed to marriage."

"Me neither." Clint said.

"Don't worry," Coulson added encouragingly, "she won't back out now." Clint glanced at his friend, glad he didn't have to voice his fears out loud for Coulson to know what was wrong.

"So, what's Stark's plan for Vegas?" Phil asked eagerly, changing the subject.

"We'll probably do some gambling nothing too crazy." Clint said, before he and Phil both started laughing. Knowing just how unlikely that would be with Tony in charge.

"Good luck with that." Coulson said with a chuckle. "So how're you going to get out there?"

"We'll drive, take my car." Clint said. He had a standard black Prius SHIELD had assigned him. Coulson nodded.

"You know, when you go to Vegas, you have to _go_ to Vegas." Phil said with emphasis as he walked over to the garage pulled off a piece of loose siding and placed his thumb on the concealed security scanner. The door opened to reveal Coulson's assortment of private cars, among them was Lola (his beloved) and a silver Mercedes-benz.

"No way." Clint said, genuinely surprised as he dropped his bag onto the concrete. "Really?" The archer asked, ecstatic as he glanced at Phil for permission to touch the silver car.

"Come on," Coulson said with a grin "You're practically my son, as if I'm going to let you go to Vegas in that thing." He said pointing over his shoulder to the black Prius.

"Thank you." Clint said honestly as he tenderly stroked the car.

"My pleasure. I would let you take Lola, but I didn't think Thor would fit." Coulson said with a smile, "just don't let Stark drive."

"I will be the only one driving this car, no worries." Clint said with a smirk, like he'd ever release his hold on this beauty to Stark.

"Good." Coulson said as he tossed the keys over to Clint. "Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."


	3. Chapter 2

Stark was ecstatic. Ever since Legolas had announced he and the Spider's happy engagement Stark had been planning the perfect bachelor party. Now that he and Pepper were serious he didn't really get the chance to go crazy much anymore and had been looking foreword to the occasion for weeks. It had taken a lot of persuading to get Fury to agree to letting the group go at all, and they all had to swear not to use superpowers, ironman suits, or assassin gear for the whole trip. Fury didn't want to have to explain himself to the Council if anything went haywire, so the whole trip was to be kept off of SHIELDs radar. Tony had barely complained, he was just happy to get the go ahead.

Tony had known there had to be something between the two assassins. I mean come on, the whole '_love is for children'_ speech with Loki, it was just filled with subtext. When he'd mentioned his theories to Pepper she'd scoffed and told him to mind his own business. Speaking of Pepper, Tony skipped over to her desk and kissed her cheek. She glanced up from her paperwork, even though Fury had given the avengers the week off to prepare for the wedding Pepper wasn't so lucky. Before Tony could say anything his AI spoke up.

"Agent Barton and Thor have arrived, sir." The disembodied voice said.

"Oop, gotta go." Tony said with a grin as he kissed Pepper again, this time on the lips. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Don't do anything stupid, please." She begged him earnestly. "Just be safe."

"I'm always safe." He said with a grin as he grabbed his bag and headed back to the living room.

"I love you." He called back over his shoulder, if she responded he couldn't hear her. Tony walked into the room, since the bachelor party was going to be in Vegas and the wedding in California, Tony and Pepper had moved back into his Malibu mansion for the week. Steve Rogers had also been bunking with them, despite his misgivings. The super soldier had his bag packed and was sitting on the living room couch sketching something.

"Come on Captain, Vegas is waiting." Tony yelled as he walked over. The soldier glanced up, smiled slightly and grabbed his bag.

"I'm coming." He said as he followed Tony over to the door.

Tony and Steve walked over to the car. Clint was in the front seat wearing sunglasses while Thor was in the passenger seat looking ridiculously excited.

"Shit," Tony grunted as he admired the vehicle, "nice car."  
"Yep." Clint said with a cheeky grin as he tilted his sunglasses slightly.

"Isn't this one of Agent Coulson's cars?" Steve asked as he set his bag in the trunk.

"Yep." Clint said with another grin. Steve slipped into the seat behind Clint. Tony didn't bother with the door, instead jumping over into the backseat behind Thor. Clint started to protest against Tony jumping on the fine upholstery.

"Just shut up and drive." The billionaire said as he settled himself down. "Hey point break." He said as he patted Thor on the shoulder.

"Greetings Man of Iron." The Asgardian's voice boomed happily.

"By the way, where's Dr. Banner?" Steve asked as they started driving.

"Not coming." Clint answered. Steve still looked confused. "He's worried about the alcohol, and getting overexcited." Clint clarified.

"Yeah, the other guy would make a mess out of Vegas." Tony grumbled. "It's too bad though." He'd tried to convince the Doc, but in the end had lost that battle.

They arrived in Vegas shortly after dark. Clint handed Coulson's car over to the valet, then headed up to the hotel with the guys.

"Hi, welcome to Caesars." The friendly woman at the front desk greeted. "Checking in?"

"Yes, we have a reservation under Steve Rogers." Steve said politely.

"Alright, let me look that up for you." She said as she started typing into her computer. Thor was looking around him wildly, taking in the building and all the people walking around him.

"I have you in a two bedroom suite on the twelfth floor, is that ok?" She asked.

"Sounds fine." Clint said, he was used to dealing with much crappier hotel rooms, he remembered an op with Natasha where their room only had a couch. That had been a fun trip.

"Actually, I was wondering if you had any villas available?" Tony stepped in. Clint raised his eyebrows while Steve started to protest.

"Tony, we're not even going to be in the room." Steve said.

"It's not necessary." Clint added.

"It's not a big deal, we can share beds, one night." Steve said, although he privately winced at the idea of sleeping with any one of the other men, staying in the same building with Tony was hard enough let alone the same bed.

"If we share beds I shall sleep with Tony." Thor said. Tony turned and glared at him.

"Is that not acceptable?" Thor asked upon seeing his expression.  
"No, it's not." Stark stated bluntly. "Guys, you're not sharing beds, what are we twelve?" He turned to face the woman, "I'm sorry, how much is the villa?"

"Well we have one villa available, and it's 4,200 for the night." She said, unfazed by the bickering.

"Is it awesome?" Clint asked with a smile.

"It's pretty awesome." The clerk returned, also smiling slightly.

"We'll take it." Stark said, flashing his credit card.

The four took the elevator up to their room. It was stunning, not Avengers Tower stunning, but pretty impressive none-the-less.

"Holy…" Steve started as he saw the view, but stopped himself before cursing.

"Now this is Vegas!" Tony said as he walked over to the window looking out over the casinos.

"Thanks guys." Clint said as he set his bag on one of the couches, and glanced around, committing the floor plan to memory out of habit. Whenever he and Natasha would enter a building they'd immediately map out all escapes, vents, windows, good combat areas. It had saved them on any number of missions.

"Alright," Steve said, "pick a room and get dressed, be ready in thirty minutes." He instructed as he grabbed his bag and headed into one of the bedrooms. The others followed his example.

Clint's room was a good size, decent window, not as fancy as the room Stark had made for him in the Avengers Tower, but better than most hotel rooms he'd stayed in over the years. He could immediately hear Natasha's voice in his head, criticizing the room: _the windows are too big, and too close to bed. Snipers would get a clean shot at you. _He smiled slightly, Natasha was always a realist, and she'd saved his life more than once. No, he wouldn't be sleeping on that bed tonight, regardless of whether this was a vacation or not. He found an air vent and lifted himself into it, it was a tight squeeze, but he'd been in tighter, it would do fine for one night. Hopping back down onto the floor he went into his bathroom and started to undress as he waited for his shower to warm up.

When he came out of the bathroom after his shower, only partially dressed, Tony and Steve were sitting on his bed talking.

"Hey, I wanted to show you guys something." Tony said as he reached into his pocket. Clint was pulling his shirt over his shoulders, but walked over to see what Tony had. Stark pulled a small black velvet box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring with any number of precious stones imbedded in it.

"I'm gonna propose to Pepper at your wedding." Tony said with a grin while the other men gawked at the jewel. "Well, technically after the wedding" he added.

"Congratulations." Steve said with a smile as he clapped Tony over the back.

"It's about time." Clint said with a grin, "honestly, if you'd told me a year ago I'd be marrying Natasha before you and Pepper tied the knot, I would have said you were insane."

"I completely agree." Tony said with a grin. "I've actually had it on my mind for a while now, I just couldn't think of how to pop the question." He said as he admired the ring. Then he shut the box and put it back into his pocket.

After they'd all showered and changed into fresh clothes, they left the villa and headed back to the elevator and from there up to the roof.

"We're definitely not supposed to be up here." Steve muttered, hands pushed deep into his pockets as he followed Tony and the others past the 'Staff Only' sign on the door and from there onto the roof.

"We're the Avengers, we can do whatever we want." Tony retorted as he pushed a concrete block into the doorway to keep it open.

"Come on guys, up here." Clint had climbed up onto a higher portion of the roof and was perching there happily. Stark and Thor climbed up the ladder to him.

"You all right?" Clint asked as Thor put too much pressure on one of the rungs and broke it.

"Yes, but this contraption is ill made." Thor grumbled as he reached the top. Clint stood up and walked over to the edge of the roof to stand beside Tony. Steve followed Thor up the ladder.

"Wow," Steve said as he joined them, "nice view." Clint nodded as his blue hawk-like eyes stared out over the city, taking in things the others couldn't possibly see. He smiled slightly, thinking back to all the times he'd done this in New York, and all the times Natasha had come up to the roof to join him in his brooding. He'd always gone to the roof to be alone before Tasha, but something about her presence had made looking out over the city all the more enjoyable, even before the engagement.

He wondered absentmindedly if she'd ever been to Vegas, he couldn't remember her mentioning it so he guessed she hadn't. Thor meanwhile was struggling to pour something into little shot glasses he'd carried up with him in a satchel Jane had given him for the trip.

"Whatcha doing point break?" Tony asked as he walked over to help the oafish God of Thunder.

"The lady Darcy gave this to me." Thor said with a smile, indicating the drink.

"I wanted to make a toast actually." Steve said as he took his glass and held it up slightly. "To Clint and Natasha, may this night be a tiny speed bump in an otherwise long and happy marriage." He said, as he shot a glare at Tony, clearly blaming him early on for whatever was about to happen that night.

"Cheers." They all said as they drank.

"I want to take a sec to talk about memory, more specifically selective memory." Stark started. "Because whatever happens tonight, might as well not have happened at all. Because this circle is as far as it is ever gonna go. In other words, forget everything." Clint laughed slightly. "Clint, I'm serious, Pepper will kill me." Tony said. "Good or bad we don't remember so we have nothing to talk about, nothing guys, nothing. Deal?" He finished.

"Deal." The others replied.

"Alright," Tony said as he poured everyone another glass. "To a night we'll never remember. But the four of us will never forget."


	4. Chapter 3

**Next Morning**

The villa was trashed, indescribably so. Steve woke up facedown on the tile floor, his face in a little pool of blood. He groaned loudly as he stood up, his head was pounding while he took in his surroundings. _Is that a chicken? Why is there a chicken in the villa?_ He wondered as he stared at the white hen, it's beady eyes staring right at him. Steve glanced over his own body, his shirt was bloody and sweaty, his pants ripped. _What the hell, ow my head,_ he thought while he groaned out loud for a second time. Steve walked over to the lazy boy and collapsed into it with another groan.

Thor meanwhile was pulling himself up from behind the bar, his jeans and boxers nowhere in sight. As he tried to stand he tumbled over backwards with a crash. Steve watched him emotionlessly as the Asgardian struggled to pull himself back to his feet. Once up again, Thor walked down the hall passed where Tony lay on the floor wrapped in blankets, and went into the bathroom. Steve was focusing on trying to massage the pain out of his head when he heard the God shout as he dashed back out of the bathroom and promptly tripped over Stark's sleeping form, his foot colliding with Tony's ribs.

"Jeez, control yourself man! Clumsy alien." Tony grumbled, still half asleep lying on his chest, wrapped in blankets. "Damn, would you put on some pants."

"DO NOT GO INTO THE BATHROOM!" Thor bellowed from where he sat on the floor, he had huge bloody claw marks along his thigh.

"Just calm down, please." Tony said tiredly as he rolled over onto his back and held his head, wincing from the sound of Thor's voice.

"THERE IS AN ANGRY BEAST IN THE BATHROOM!" Thor yelled again.

"What's going on?" Steve groaned from the lazy boy, he'd only been partly listening. His head was pounding hard. _Would it kill them to shut up? _He thought irritably.

"THERE'S A FEROCIOUS BEAST IN THE BATHROOM!" Thor yelled for a third time.

"Okay, okay, I'll check it out." Tony grumbled as he stood up, wearing only his jeans, his arc reactor glowed gently from his chest.

"BE CAREFUL MAN OF IRON!" Thor shouted as Tony opened the bathroom door.

"OH FUCK," Tony exclaimed as he promptly slammed the door "he's not kidding there's fucking a tiger in there." He directed his statement to Steve.

"No there isn't." The super soldier groaned as he held his head. Why was he so tired, and why did his head hurt so much, wasn't the super soldier serum supposed to ward off this sort of thing. _How much did I drink last night_, he wondered.

"YES!" Thor yelled, "IT IS GIGANTIC."

"You okay buddy?" Tony asked as he walked over to Steve.

"Not really." He replied honestly.

"God damn, look at this place." Tony said as he glanced at the disaster around him.

"I know." Steve said.

"HOW DID THAT BEAST GET INTO THE BATHROOM!" Thor bellowed still unnerved by the creature, which was obviously only native to Midgard.

"Hey, you should really put something on those wounds. And would it kill you to put on some pants?" Tony asked "I find it a little weird I have to ask twice." Thor muttered to himself and went to find his clothing.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Tony asked as he sat down on the sofa. Steve ran his tongue around his mouth, why did his mouth feel so weird.

"Hey, Tony, am I missing a tooth?" Steve asked as he opened his mouth for Stark to look.

"Holy shit." Tony said as he started laughing. Steve quickly grabbed a mirror from the table and looked into his mouth where, sure enough, a tooth had been removed.

"Oh my God." Steve said, a mixture of shock and horror coming over his face.

"Don't worry, the look totally suits you." Tony joked through his laughter. "It's fine, don't worry about it." Tony said while Steve stared horrified by his reflection in the mirror.

"Thor! Go wake up Clint, lets get some coffee before housekeeping shows up." Tony said as Thor walked back in, fully dressed.

"The man of arrows is not here." Thor replied.

"Did you check all the rooms?" Tony asked.

"Yes, and his mattress is gone."

"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat." Stark said as he reached into his pocket for his phone. "Lets call him on his cell." A cellphone started ringing near Thor, who promptly answered it.

"Hello?" Thor said.

"Thor." Tony replied from the other line.

"Hello Man of Iron." Thor said as he hung up. "This would appear to be Clint's phone."

"No shit." Tony mumbled unenthused. The three went silent as a baby cried from the next room.

"What was that." Steve said dropping the mirror and looking at Tony with half terrified and half accusing eyes. He stood up quickly, the others following him. They walked over to a linen closet and opened the door to find a baby in a car seat.

"Who's fucking baby is that?" Tony asked.

"Thor, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in this suite?" Steve asked, putting aside his own pain for the moment, _how did we end up with a kid in our closet, how does that even happen._

"I checked all the rooms, I saw no one." He replied. Steve leaned over and tried to comfort the crying child.

"We don't have time for this." Tony grumbled. "Come on, we'll go hook up with Clint and deal with the baby later."

"Tony, we're not going to leave the baby in the room. There's a tiger in the bathroom." Steve said irritably as he gently picked the baby up and held him against his chest.

"It's not our baby." Stark mumbled.

"What would Pepper think if she heard you say that?" Steve threatened, thinking of the ring Tony had shown them the night before.

"Alright, fine, we'll take it with us." Tony said, giving in as he walked back to his room to grab a new shirt.

It was an awkward elevator ride down to the main floor. Thor held the baby protectively in his big arms singing an old Asgardian lullaby to him, a bit of blood had seeped through the bandages he'd placed on his thigh and was starting to show through his pants. Steve held a piece of toilet paper to his still bleeding gums while Tony leaned against the back wall, trying to get the pounding in his head to stop.

"Why can't we remember a thing from last night?" Steve asked.

"Because we obviously had a great fucking time." Tony replied. "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute."

"I don't know Tony, maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth." The super soldier replied irritably. "Or maybe it's because there's a tiger in our hotel room. Which, incidentally is completely destroyed. Oh, maybe it's because we found a baby, a human baby. That's it, that's definitely it." Steve didn't like to lose his cool, but this entire situation was horrible, and there was Stark treating it like some big joke.

When they arrived at the pool Thor and Tony went to get a table and order breakfast while Steve searched the area for Clint.

"I looked everywhere." Steve said as he returned to the table. "Gym, casino nobody's seen Clint, he's not here." Steve sighed as he sat at the table, his mouth still hurt and his head was still pounding, but it was more of a background noise than anything. _Maybe the serum's helping numb the affects,_ He thought to himself.

"He's fine, he's a grown man. An assassin for crying out loud." Tony replied. "Seriously, Steve, you've gotta calm down. Here have some juice." He said as he passed the Captain a glass of orange juice. Steve promptly threw up. He'd never been hung-over before, even with the serum his body wasn't handling the experience particularly well.

"Okay, come on, let's just track this thing." Stark said, a disgusted look on his face as he handed a bunch of napkins to the Captain before taking one for himself along with a pen. "What's the last thing you remember doing last night?"

"First we were on the roof." Thor offered.

"Then we had dinner." Tony added as he started writing. "Right?"

"Yes, that is correct." Thor said.

"I don't even remember going to dinner." Steve groaned, gagging slightly at the sour taste in his mouth.

"I know, what the fuck, I don't think I've ever been this hung-over." Tony said as he leaned back into his chair.

"We remember up to 10pm, so that gives us a twelve hour window where we could have lost Clint." Tony reasoned as he looked at his small list.

"What is this?" Thor said as he grabbed something out of his pants pocket.

"Oh my God, that's my tooth!" Steve exclaimed as he reached for it. "Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?"

"No, that's a good idea. Check your pockets." Tony said as he started fishing through his pants. After searching through their pockets for a minute Steve pulled out a receipt.

"I have an atm machine receipt. 11:05 for 800 dollars!" Steve said

"I have a valet ticket from the hotel, 5:15am" Thor offered.

"Oh, shit, we drove last night." Tony groaned as he pressed his face into his hands, Pepper was definitely going to kill him. Thor laughed slightly. Steve sighed deeply slowly massaging his forehead as he leaned back into his chair.

"What is on your arm?" Thor asked Tony, indicating a yellow band around his wrist.

"What the fuck?" Tony said as he noticed it as well.

"Tony, you were in the hospital last night." Steve said, worried.

"I guess so, yeah." Tony said still looking at the bracelet he didn't remember having.

"Are you alright?" Thor asked while he distractedly bounced the baby on his knee, the opposite leg from the tiger scratches.  
"Yeah, Thor, I'm fine." Tony growled back.

"What the hell is going on." Steve wondered out loud.

"Steve, this is a good thing. We have a lead now." Tony said, indicating his wrist.

They finished breakfast then headed over to the valet, and waited for him to bring the car back.

"Guys." Steve said, as he pointed up to the roof. They all looked up to see a mattress hanging from a statue.

"Is that not the mattress from Clint's room?" Thor asked.  
"What the fuck." Tony grumbled. "Hey, what's going on." Tony asked one of the other guys watching security try and remove the mattress.

"Some asshole threw it out of his hotel window last night." The man offered.

"No shit." Tony replied.

"Some guys just can't handle Vegas." The man added before walking over to his car and getting in.

"It's gonna be fine Steve." Tony said seeing the way the capsicle groaned and ran his fingers nervously through his messy blonde hair.

"How did we manage that?" Tony wondered aloud staring at the mattress. The valet returned, this time driving a cop car.

"Here's your car officers." The valet said.

"Oh God." Steve groaned.

"Alright, everybody act cool." Tony whispered, "Don't say a word, let's just get in and go." He said as he thanked the valet and slipped into the drivers seat. Steve took shotgun while Thor and the infant squeezed into the back.

"This is so illegal." Steve said as they waited in traffic. "Fury is going kill us when he finds out."

"Can't you see the fun part in anything." Tony asked as he drank his coffee from the hotel.

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat which part of this is fun?" Steve retorted.

"The cop car is certainly cool." Thor added from the back.

"Thank you, Thor, it is cool." Tony said. "Clint would love it." Tony slammed his fist down onto the horn angrily, his patience with the other drivers wearing thin. When he'd finally had enough he turned on the sirens and drove onto the sidewalk, despite the avid protesting by Steve. Tony drove the car down the sidewalk yelling at pedestrians to get out of his way while he bypassed the traffic. Steve alternated between yelling at Tony to stop and yelling his apologies to the pedestrians.


	5. Chapter 4

They arrived at the hospital and managed to track down the doctor that treated Tony, though not without first having him properly wrap Thor's tiger wounds, despite the fact that it wasn't bothering the Asgardian in the slightest.

"I told you, you came in here with a mild concussion some bruised ribs, no big deal. Though none of you could articulate how it happened." The doctor said while he filled out some paperwork.

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Steve asked his arms crossed over his chest defensively.

"I don't know. I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby. And there was one other guy." He answered.

"That's our guy! Was he okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, he was fine. Just whacked out of his mind, you all were." The doctor said. "I'm sorry guys, I've gotta go, I have a surgery to get to."

"I know, we just need a couple more minutes of your time." Tony said, flashing a hundred bucks in front of the doc.

"Yeah," He said "tuck it right in my pocket. I don't want to re-sterilize. Walk with me." The Doctor grabbed one of his patient forms. "Here we go, patient name Tony Stark, 2:45am arrival, minor concussion some bruising. Pretty standard. Okay this is interesting, your blood work came in this morning. Wow. They found a large amount of Rohypnol in your system. Roofies, commonly known as the date rape drug."

"So what, are you saying I was raped last night?" Tony asked, only half joking.

"Actually," The doctor said as he searched through the file, "I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

"Doctor, none of us can remember anything." Thor said with an uncomfortable laugh. He didn't know what Rohypnol was, but it didn't sound good.

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us." Steve asked.

"Look I wouldn't worry about it guys, by now the stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go." The Doctor turned to leave.

"Wait, is there anything we were talking about, like someplace we were going?" Steve asked.

"Actually there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah, our friend Clint is getting married tomorrow." Steve said.

"You know what, I want the hundred back." Tony said, reaching for the doctor's pocket.

"No, no, no, easy," The doc said as moved out of Starks reach, "You kept talking about some wedding you just came from, at the best little chapel. You guys kept saying how sick the wedding was, you were all crazy about it. Okay, I hope this helps fellas I really have to leave."

After getting directions from a tourist outside the hospital, they headed over to the chapel.

"What about the child?" Thor asked, as the others got out of the car.

"Just leave him in the car, we're only gonna be five minutes." Tony said.

"We're not leaving a baby in the car." Steve replied.

"He'll be fine, I cracked the window." Tony defended. They entered the main room, babyless.

"Excuse me sir," Tony said to a man, helping a woman fix one of the chandeliers. The man laughed.

"Look at these guys, what happened? You miss me? You miss Eddy? You want more from me?" The man said enthusiastically as he went in for a hug from Tony. "Listen to me, I'm gonna tell you something, I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest wildest bastard I ever met in my life." He said indicating a shocked Steve.

"Who? This guy?" Tony said in disbelief while pointing at Steve.

"This guy is out of his mind. What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker." Eddy said as he hugged Steve who remained stiff as a board. "What happened? No love for Eddy? You no hug me."

"No, no, it's not that… Eddy." Steve said defensively. "It's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."

"Was there a wedding here?" Thor asked. Eddy laughed, assuming they were joking.

"I love these guys." Eddy said to the woman.

"Okay, Eddy, obviously we were here last night," Tony stated "We're looking for our friend Clint, you remember him?"

"Yeah, the Hawkeye."

"You saw him!" Steve said excitedly.

"Of course." Eddy replied.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night." Steve asked, dead serious.

"You don't remember nothing." Eddy said, still not entirely believing them.

Eddy went a grabbed a photo album off of a nearby shelf, he set it on the front desk, the avengers situating themselves around it to look. Pictures of Steve and a stunning blonde woman made up the majority of it.

"Congratulations Captain, you are married." Thor said.

"This can't be happening." Steve groaned. "Oh God." His head sank into his hands as he leaned on the desk.

"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here man." Tony commented. Eddy came back with boxes filled with souvenirs hats, mugs and calendars all with pictures of Steve and Jade.

"Her name's Jade?" Tony asked.

"Yes, she's beautiful." Eddy said. "Has a gorgeous kid too, lovely lady, nice ass."

"Well that explains whose kid it is. Alright, listen Eddy, we made a mistake last night and we need to get an annulment immediately. You do annulments?" Tony said.

"Of course I do annulments, breaks my heart." Eddy replied. "I can't do it with just him though, I need the chick. I need both parties."

"Not a problem, that's great. Isn't that great Steve." Tony said, glancing over to where Steve had started pacing across the room. "Come on buddy, she probably knows where Clint is."

"Awesome." Steve retorted partially sarcastic, he had married a woman he didn't even know and was not eager to meet her now.

"Okay, we need her address." Tony addressed Eddy. "She must have filled out some paperwork right?"

"Of course." Eddy said, sending his wife off to get the paperwork.

They left the chapel bringing the boxes of souvenirs with them.

"What about Agent Coulson's car?" Thor asked.

"I'm sure Clint has it, we'll get it back." Steve replied.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it." Tony added, only half joking. The phone started ringing, and Steve shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled it out.

"Is it Clint?" Tony asked.

"It's Fury." Steve groaned.

"Don't answer it." Tony commanded as he stuck the boxes into the trunk.

"He's already tried calling me three times, I have to answer." Steve said, as he reluctantly answered the phone.

"About damn time." Fury's voice rang out over the phone.

"Good morning sir, sorry I haven't checked in, it's been kind of crazy."

"I'm sure, how was your night?" He asked, Steve couldn't tell if he was genuinely curious or just fishing for something to hold over their heads later on.

"It was…uh…memorable." Steve said as he slipped into the back seat with the baby.

As they got into the car, an orange sports car swerved into the parking lot and parked right in front of the cop car, cutting them off. Two heavily tattooed men with baseball bats came out yelling, at them.

"Where the hell is he!" One of them shouted.

"Hey, easy, easy," Tony replied, "I think we're looking for the same guy okay?" He assumed they meant Clint, how many men could go missing in one night anyway. In response the other man slammed his baseball bat onto the windshield.

"Hey, what the hell man!" Tony yelled while Thor jumped in his seat, the baby started crying.

"What the fuck was that? Is that a baby crying?" Fury asked from the phone.  
"Ah, nothing, nothing, everything's fine." Steve said, more to himself than to Fury.

"Where is he!" The man yelled again.

"I don't know who you're talking about!" Tony yelled back. One guy pulled a gun out, the baby was wailing like crazy.

"He has a gun." Thor stated.

"No shit he's got a gun." Tony yelled back. Tony hit the pedal and the cop car took off accidently running over one of the guys feet, the man let out a yell and fired his gun, which nailed Eddy in the shoulder. Screaming ensued.

"ROGERS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" Fury yelled through the phone.

"I'm sorry sir, I'm gonna have to call you back." Steve said as he hung up. After they'd left the parking lot they started to calm down a bit.

"Okay." Tony breathed deeply.

"Who were those men?" Thor asked. Steve had gone to calming the baby down.

"What is going on?" Steve asked angrily.

"I have no idea." Tony responded.

Steve's phone rang again.

"Don't answer it." Tony warned. Steve nodded glumly, dreading the conversation he was going to have with Fury in the future.


	6. Chapter 5

They headed straight to Jade's apartment, it was a small place, not particularly grandiose. The blonde woman came out, talking on her cell phone. When she saw Steve and the baby she grinned madly.

"I found him, I'll call you back." She said into her cell, "Thank God he's with his father." She ran over to the baby and picked him out of Thor's arms. "I was freaking out, I missed you sweety." She said to the baby. "Oh, and I missed you." She said flirtatiously to Steve, and kissed him hard on the mouth. Steve didn't know what to do, his arms flailed around aimlessly, Thor and Tony glanced at each other, and then at the awkward Steve kissing his 'wife'.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" She said with a smile once she'd let Steve go.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Tony said.

"What do you mean, I got up this morning and went to get you guys coffee and I came back and you were gone." They were all silent for a few seconds. "Why are you all being so quiet?"

"I wasn't being quiet." Steve said softly, still blushing and generally looking uncomfortable.

"Oh you're so cute." She said as she stroked his arm. "Here, I have to feed Tyler, come inside you guys." She said as she led them into her room. Once inside she poured them some water.

"Okay guys what's up. You guys are acting weird." She said as she sat on a chair, the men went to her couch.

"Look, it's Jade right?" Tony asked.

"Very funny Tony." She replied.

"Yeah, Jade, right, you remember our friend Clint?" He asked, trying to be patient with the woman.

"Are you kidding? He was the best man at our wedding?" She said.

"Exactly, well we can't find him and we're getting a little worried." Tony said while Steve drank the water, pointedly not looking at the woman.

"Oh my God that is so Clint." She said with a giggle.

"About last night, do you remember the last time you saw Clint?" Tony asked.

"I haven't seen him since the wedding." She said as she started breast feeding Tyler, upon her casual exposing of her chest Steve choked on his water, placing his hand over his mouth to try and keep from spewing the liquid across the room.

"The wedding, what time was that at?" Tony asked, smirking at Steve's reaction to the female anatomy.

"I guess it was around one. Because then I had to go back to my work and finish my shift, and then when I got out I went to the hotel with Tyler."

"And was Clint there then?" Tony asked.

"I didn't see Clint cause you guys were passed out, the room was a wreck. So I just curled up next to Steve." She answered.

"I have a question." Steve said quietly, finally facing the woman, he'd set the water down on the coffee table and had managed to resume his generally stoic demeanour. "You said when your shift ended, does that mean you're a nurse, or a blackjack dealer?" He asked hopefully.

"You know this, I'm a stripper." She said enthusiastically. Steve just stared at her for a moment, completely silent. He nodded slightly, after a moment, and turned to look back at the wall where he'd been staring for a good portion of the visit. He didn't like being so judgemental, he really didn't, but his upbringing was making it really _really_ hard.

"Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping is a great way to meet the clients." She clarified oblivious to Steve's discomfort.

"Smart." Tony said, his hand was covering his mouth to conceal the broad grin that was rapidly consuming his facial expression. Thor had remained silent this whole time, his eyes dancing from Jade's eyes, to her chest, to Tony, to Steve and back again.

"But that's all in the past, now that I've married a war hero." Jade said with a grin.

"I'm just a guy from Brooklyn." Steve said automatically with a wince, remembering the last time he'd said that.

There was a huge bang on the door and three police officers burst into the room, their guns raised and their voices screaming out that the men were under arrest. Tony and Thor jumped up from the couch, while Steve stood more slowly, raising his hands to signal his defeat. The cops walked over, grabbing the three avengers roughly and cuffing them before leading them out into the parking lot.

At the waiting room in the police station, Tony started dialing Natasha's number on a pay phone, the cops had confiscated their cells.

"Romanoff." She answered dryly.

"Hey, Natasha, hey it's Tony." He said awkwardly, even over the phone she terrified him.

"Hey Stark, where are you guys?" She asked.

"We are at the spa at the hotel." He lied, desperately hoping she wouldn't be able to tell.

"Cool, Pepper and I are just getting some sun. Is Clint there?"

"Of course he's here, why wouldn't he be here." Tony said, realizing he'd need to think up an excuse and fast.

"I'm just wondering why you're calling me." She said.

"Um…" He said, trying to buy time, "We made a deal, no talking to girlfriends, so, we're all calling each others." _Close call, Stark_, he thought to himself.

"Okay, what's up." She asked. He couldn't tell if she was suspicious or not.

"You're not gonna believe this, we got an extra night at the hotel." He said.

"You did." She sounded less than enthused.

"Yeah, the suite, it's ridiculous, it's out of control. We're thinking we'll spend the night here then come back totally relaxed in the morning."

"You want to stay an extra night." She glanced over at Pepper, eyebrows raised. "But the wedding's tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's why we'll get up real early and be back with plenty of time."

"Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea." She asked. Then the cop called the group into an interrogation room.

"Okay, Tash, we gotta go, talk to you later." And he hung up.


	7. Chapter 6

Maria Hill sighed deeply as she walked into the Vegas police station. Fury had had her tail the guys since they left Malibu, he'd had a feeling shit would happen, as was to be expected when sticking Tony Stark on an adult playground. Maria hadn't seen them since they'd arrived though, instead opting to spend her time relaxing by the pool at an entirely different hotel. But then Fury had called, told her something was up, and had sent her the coordinates of Steve's phone. So she'd dressed herself, jeans, a blue shirt and black leather jacket, comfortable but still formal enough for her to be taken seriously.

She walked over to a couple of cops bickering outside one of the interrogation room, she flashed her SHIELD badge in front of them.

"Agent Maria Hill, SHIELD." She said formally. "I'm looking for Rogers, Stark, Barton and Thor. They in there?" She asked, indicating the room. The female officer nodded slightly.

"What business do you have with them, this is our interrogation, Agent Hill, you have no grounds for taking over." She said stubbornly.

"These are my people officer, and their punishment will be handled internally. Any complaints and or reimbursements for any and all damage can be taken up with SHIELD Director Fury at your leisure." Maria said tiredly, she dealt with these jurisdiction disagreements way to often. The argument continued for a few minutes, but begrudgingly Maria was given control over the case. She glanced at the hardcopy of the file before going in to face the four idiots: stolen police car, drunk driving, abandoning their mercedez-benz in the middle of the road with a note saying 'couldn't find a meter, here's four bucks.' Maria sighed deeply and squeezed the bridge of her nose between her finger and thumb. This was going to be hell to keep on the down low, if the council found out there were going to be serious repercussions.

Closing the folder and tucking it under her arm, Maria walked into the room. What a sorry sight those three were. Tony sat on the right side of the table, his dark blue shirt starting to show signs of his perspiration. Steve sat in the middle, a pathetic sight. Hair unkempt and ruffled like he hadn't showered yet or even looked in the mirror. His shirt had a couple of small bloodstains on it and he looked genuinely miserable. Thor sat at the other end from Tony, eyes searching the room eagerly, his hair was tangled and his pants had dried blood on them, otherwise he looked no worse for wear. Clint was nowhere to be seen, which was slightly concerning.

"Agent Hill." Steve said, he perked up as soon as he saw her. Maria thought he looked a little like a lost puppy when he did that. Tony grinned at her, then frowned slightly.

"How'd you know we were here?" He asked.

"Fury traced Steve's phone." She said as she leaned against the door.

"You got here awfully fast." Tony commented. She shrugged, avoiding his implied question.

"So are guys going to tell me what happened?" She asked, even though she already knew she wanted to hear the story from them. _This should be good,_ she thought.

"Are you going to let us out?" Tony returned.

"That depends on what you did." Maria retorted, she'd been in here less than a minute and already he was getting on her nerves. She looked at each of them expectantly, waiting for an answer. Her gaze settled on Steve the longest, she knew he'd cave and tell her eventually, he respected her as his superior and that meant more to him than it did to the others.

"We actually don't remember." Steve said quietly, Maria quirked an eyebrow. "Somehow we all got ourselves roofied." He added.

"You did what?" Maria blurted out, forgetting her professional demeanor for a moment, whatever she had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

"We woke up and Clint was gone and the hotel was a disaster then we found out Coulson's car was gone and the valet brought us a police car." Steve paused looking at her, pleading her to understand and stop him so he wouldn't have to complete his narration. She sighed deeply.

"How did that even happen." Maria asked.

"It's a bachelor party." Tony said, "shit happens at bachelor parties." _Not this sort of shit,_ she thought to herself.

"Look, could you please bail us out." Tony asked.

"Yes, but you owe me big time." She said as she led them out into the hall where one of the cops uncuffed them.

"Oh, and the car's in the impound." She said as they left. "I guess the cops found it parked in the middle of the road with a note saying you couldn't find a meter." She glared at Stark who winced slightly under her gaze. She glanced over at Steve.

"By the way, did you lose a tooth?" She asked, she'd noticed something was wrong when he'd been talking earlier. He smiled sheepishly and opened his mouth revealing a gaping hole. Maria sighed deeply, and ran her fingers through her hair. She was so not getting paid enough for this.

They were waiting at the impound area while Maria had gone off to retrieve the car. Steve was over at the vending machine getting a soda. Thor and Tony sat on the porch.

"Thor, you okay?" Tony asked, seeing the Gods forlorn look.

"I am worried about Mr. Barton. What if he was injured?" He asked.

"Oh, come on you can't think like that." Tony said. "Thor, Clint's fine."

"Then why has he not called us?"

"I don't know. But we're gonna figure it out."

Steve returned with his pop. Looking distant and slightly more irritated than usual.

"What do you think the chances are that Coulson's car is undamaged." He asked.

"We'll find out soon." Tony replied.

Maria drove up in the Mercedes-benz. The car looked surprisingly intact.

"See, it's gonna be alright." Tony said as he hopped into the passenger seat. Steve went and sat behind Tony, while Thor squeezed behind Maria. Once driving they started looking through the car for any sign of what had happened the night before.

"Anything?" Tony asked.

"Um, a cigar." Steve said as he handed it to Tony to inspect further.

"I found some black shoes." Thor said as he pulled one out from underneath his seat.

"They women's shoes?" Stark asked.

"I don't know." Thor replied. Steve grabbed them and looked them over.

"Who's are those?" Maria asked looking away from the wheel temporarily.

"I don't know. Men's size 6." Steve said.

"That's weird." Tony said.

"What is this?" Thor asked, lifting up a used condom from the floor. Steve let out a disgusted yelp and moved away from where the God was waving the object around. Seeing Steve's reaction Thor threw it into the front seat where it landed on Tony's lap.

"Ew, that's a used condom." Tony said, while Maria attempted to avoid Tony's flailing to avoid the condom, she swerved the car into the other lane. Tony yelled as he threw it out the window while Maria pulled over to the side of the rode.

"What the fuck man. We have to get this shit together." Tony yelled at Thor. Maria was gripping her steering wheel, she had so many angry thoughts she wanted to throw at them. Before she could start yelling at them, they heard a bump come from the trunk.

"What was that?" Steve asked glancing at the others nervously.

"It's in the trunk." Tony stated.

"Clint's in the trunk!" Steve exclaimed as they all jumped out of the car, except Maria, and ran to the tail end. The sight that met them as they opened up the trunk caused them all to scream. Loki leaped out of the trunk, wearing only two Asgardian bracelets, which Maria recognized as the ones used to keep him from using his magic while doing parole on Midgard. Loki leaped out of the trunk and tackled Tony knocking him to the ground and shoving Steve into Thor. All three hit the ground hard. Loki then took off, obviously in somewhat of a daze. Maria stepped out of the vehicle and watched the naked Asgardian run off towards the closest building.

"What the fuck was that?" Tony groaned as he pulled himself up into a seated position.

"My brother, I did not know he was on Midgard again." Thor said as he leaned against the car.

"I heard Odin had sent him here to keep him out of trouble. Didn't know he was in Vegas though." Maria offered while she reached over and helped the Captain to his feet. He smiled his thanks and started dusting himself off.

"Guys, there is something I must tell you." Thor said from his position sitting on the ground leaning against the car. "Last night on the roof, before we went out, I slipped something into our drinks."

"What?" Tony gasped he was also still sitting in the dirt.

"I am sorry. Darcy gave it to me, said it would make the bachelor party unforgettable." Thor tried to explain.

"You drugged us?" Steve said incredulously. Maria raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest, she did not see that one coming.

"I am sorry, I did not know." Thor tried to apologize. Steve was starting to get unwound, he threw a punch at the car, firmly denting it. Maria jumped, she'd never seen him snap like that before.

"Steve just calm down." Tony said seeing how unnerved Steve was getting.

"Calm down! Thor drugged us! I lost a tooth! I married a whore!" He said, his usually calm demeanor slipping. Maria raised her eyebrows, _married a whore, what the hell else are they not telling me_, she wondered.

"How dare you, she is a nice lady!" Thor defended Jade.

"Okay, lets just take a deep breath." Tony said as he stood between the enraged super soldier and the God.

"Alright this is a good thing guys, at least it wasn't some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason." Tony said, trying to calm everyone down.

"Yes." Thor agreed quietly.

"Yeah, Tony, It's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you two of. Clint is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head buttfucking his corpse." Steve growled. Maria winced at Steve's language, he'd snapped, the heroic Captain America had reached his patience threshold and had finally snapped. She reached out and set her hand on his arm to try and calm him down.

"That is highly unlikely." Thor said in response to Steve's prior statement.

"It's true." Steve hissed back while Tony tried to move him away from Thor.

"This yelling is not going to help." Tony said. "Let's get our shit together guys. We should go back to the hotel. Maybe Clint's back there, maybe he's asleep. Come on." He said. The group saddled back into the car, this time with Steve riding shotgun and Thor and Tony in the back. While she drove Maria occasionally shot a glance over at Steve who was staring forcefully out the window and leaning his head on the palm of his hand. He looked tired.


	8. Chapter 7

They barely spoke until they were outside their hotel door.

"What about the great beast." Thor asked while Tony fumbled in his pocket for the room key.

"Aw, fuck. I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger." Tony groaned. "How did we even get it in the room anyway? You'd think we would have some scratches or something to show for it."

"What tiger?" Maria asked, but her question was ignored.

"I don't know how the tiger got in there because I don't remember." Steve said, glaring at Thor.

"Shh, Steve keep it down." Tony said as he opened the door. There was music playing, specifically the song In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, and there were two men in their apartment.

"Mike Tyson?" Tony said momentarily taken by surprise as he walked in on the man and his bodyguard. Maria stood beside Steve, who'd probably never even heard of the man before. Thor also looked confused, being an Asgardian she doubted he was up to date on Midgardian sports.

"Shh, this my favorite part coming up right now." Tyson said, referring to the song. "You guys sing the chorus."

"_And I can feel it, coming in the air tonight," _Mike Tyson sang, pointing at the group.

"_Oh Lord,"_ Stark chimed, the others staring at him judgementally. "What? I don't only listen to AC/DC you know." He said, while Tyson continued singing.

"I am unfamiliar with this ballad." Thor said, shortly before Tyson swung a hard blow to the Asgardian's nose. Thor had taken worse hits, and was only momentarily stunned as he stumbled back and held his nose. Maria had slipped into a combat stance, as had Steve.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Stark asked, startled.

"Mr. Tyson would like to know why his tiger's in your bathroom Mr. Stark." The other man answered.

"Hold on, hold on, that was completely unnecessary. Look we were drugged last night, we have no memory of what happened." Tony explained.

"It's true we got in a lot of trouble last night, and now we can't find our friend." Steve said relaxing slightly upon seeing that Tyson had returned to his music. Maria also relaxed, although she still kept her hands clenched tight into fists.

"Why the fuck would you want to steal his tiger?" The bodyguard asked.

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Tony said with a forced chuckle. "Wait, how did you guys find us?" He asked.

"One of you dropped your jacket, we found it in the tigers cage this morning." The bodyguard answered showing them said jacket.

"That's Clint's." Steve said, pointing at the jacket.

"Yeah, uh, Clint, his wallet and his room key are in there." He said, tossing the jacket to the Captain.

"That's our missing friend." Tony said.

"We don't give a fuck." The bodyguard said.

"Well did you guys see him?" Maria asked, slightly annoyed.

"I was fast asleep." Tyson replied, the music had stopped and he was leaning against the couch. "If I hadn't been asleep things would not have gone as smoothly for you guys."

"I know this is asking a lot, but is there any way we could go to your house and look for any clues about our friend?" Steve asked.

"Absolutely, how else you think we're gonna get the tiger back anyway." The bodyguard smirked as he and Tyson turned to leave.

"Wait, I'm sorry?" Tony asked.  
"You brought it here, you bring it back." Maria smirked at the bodyguards reasoning, she of course agreed completely. She still couldn't believe the idiots had gone and stolen Mike Tyson's tiger. _Only Stark would do something that stupid,_ she thought. Thor leaned against the wall rubbing his head, which was still ringing from the punch.

"This does not seem fair." Steve groaned as he pushed sleeping pills into a raw steak lying on the table. Maria was sitting on the back of the couch, Tony leaning against it beside her and Thor sat on the lazy boy.

"It's rock paper scissors, couldn't have been more fair." Tony said.

"Thor should do it." Steve grumbled.

"Thor took a punch from Mike Tyson." Tony said. "That more than excuses him."

"Why are you groaning so much anyway?" Maria asked the capsicle, "it's only a big cat, you've faced aliens and Hydra, how bad could this be." The Captain glanced at her, it looked like he wanted to say something but whatever it was he kept it to himself.

Steve picked up the steak as he headed over to the bathroom, he hated cats.

"Make sure he eats the whole thing." Tony called after him. Steve walked in hesitantly, or at least more hesitantly than he normally would have had his opponent not been a great striped cat.

"Hey kitty, kitty, brought some meat for you." He said as he walked in carefully, trying not to make any sudden movements. Staring into the big cats eyes brought back unwanted memories.

The tiger roared and jumped towards him. Steve dropped the steak and bolted out the door, letting out what Tony would later describe as a squeal. Steve slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, facing the others. Tony looked amused by the ordeal, Thor still seemed preoccupied with his nose, and Steve couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw a hint of concern in Maria's eyes as she looked at him. He took a moment to compose himself.

"So, what do we do now?" He asked as he rubbed his hand behind his neck in embarrassment.

"We wait for the cat to sleep." Maria answered shortly.

"By the way, we're all gonna die." Tony stated as they dragged the unconscious tiger out of the room and onto a luggage trolley. Maria took the lead, walking in front of the trolley with Steve just behind her steering the load, while Thor and Tony brought up the rear. They rolled the tiger out of the hotel and over to the car, where they then loaded it into the backseat. Tony claimed the drivers seat while Thor sat immediately next to him, neither Maria nor Steve was eager to sit in the back with the tiger. They glanced at each other awkwardly.

"I can take the back." Steve said, his voice tight revealing just how much he did not want to sit in the back, but he'd offered anyway, gentlemen's etiquette guiding his actions.

"No it's alright." Maria said, "you sit in the front, I'll go on your lap." Steve glanced at her, questioningly. She wasn't exactly eager for the intimate arrangement but Steve's distinct phobia of tigers compelled her to make the call anyway. Besides, out of all the men he was the only one she was somewhat okay with getting up close and personal with, although she'd sooner die than admit that out loud. Tony chuckled.

"And if you ever say anything about this, Stark, I will feed you to that tiger." Maria threatened, deadly serious. Tony sobered up, while Thor squeezed against him to make more room. Steve sat down, Maria slipped onto his lap, trying to situate herself in the least awkward way possible. She didn't entirely succeed on that level, but Steve didn't make a complaint, she suspected he was just glad not to have to bunk with the tiger.

It was getting dark by this point. As they drove along the road, still a mile or so from their destination, they became aware of the sound of deep breathing and then a yawn coming from the backseat. Maria glanced over her shoulder, her eyes widened as she saw the fully conscious tiger in the backseat.

"SHIT!" She screamed. "STARK PULL OVER!" Steve had jumped too, leaning foreword, one hand wrapping around Maria's waist while the other pushed against the seat as he tried to put as much distance between them, and the now roaring feline, as possible.

"Shit." Tony hissed as he swerved over to the side of the road. Thor was battling with one of the tiger's paws, which had reached up and was swiping at the driver. Even before the car had parked Steve had opened the door and propelled both himself and Maria out onto the side of the road. She leaned against him as they got their footing, his hand still protectively on her waist. They watched as Tony and Thor both simultaneously evacuated the car and slammed the doors behind them while the tiger continued to growl and swipe it's claws along the car's interior. Steve was breathing heavily, far more heavily than he should have been. Maria glanced up at him, he didn't look afraid per se, but he was definitely more unsettled than she'd ever seen him. She glanced down at his hand, still wrapped around her waist, normally she would have removed it without a second thought, but she was surprised to find it actually felt comfortable. Plus he really looked like he needed something to hold onto right about then. _What the hell is it about that tiger_? She wondered.

"What the hell are we going to do now." Tony wondered out loud as he stared at the car, Thor next to him. They were closer to the car than Maria and Steve were. The cat was trying to shove it's paw out the drivers window, which was partially rolled down, but luckily couldn't fit. It growled angrily and started chewing on the head rest of the drivers seat.

"We can put the car in neutral, push it the rest of the way." Maria offered.  
"Well I'm not putting my hand in there to steer." Tony said crossing his arms, he kept his eyes locked on the car. Maria sighed, and slipped out of Steve's grasp then headed over to the drivers side of the car. The cat growled ever more fiercely as she approached.

"Tony, try and distract the cat to the other side of the car." Maria commanded, hopefully that would help her safely reach in and shift the car to neutral without the feline ripping her to shreds. Stark nodded and started banging on the windows opposite to Maria. With the cat temporarily distracted Maria plunged her hand in and quickly shifted the car to neutral, as she finished she was pulled out seconds before the tiger lunged towards her. She glanced behind her, Steve was holding onto her upper arm, where he'd grabbed her to pull her back out.

"Thanks." She muttered, catching her breath before pulling her arm out of his grip, she'd somewhat underestimated just how fast that tiger could move. He nodded solemnly in acknowledgment.

"So, who's gonna steer?" Tony asked, his hands on his hips.

"We'll take turns." Steve stated, his commanding tone returning. "Thor can take first shift." The Asgardian nodded.

"It would be my honor, Captain." He said as he walked over to stand beside Maria.

"Tony, take passengers side and push. I'll take the back. Maria, help Tony." Steve delegated as he walked over to the trunk and braced himself against the vehicle, pushing it foreword with ease. The others went to their posts and started pushing, although between Thor and the Captain, Hill and Stark didn't have much to contribute so they ended up taking over steering duty permanently.

"You're late." The bodyguard said when they finally arrived at Tysons house.

"Whatever man, we had to push it the last mile." Tony said tiredly as he and the others stood on the doorstep.

"Come on in, Mikes got something he'd like to show you." The group entered the mansion upon his request, all tired and sweaty from the tiresome day.

"When we got back we took a look at the security cameras." Tyson said as they all settled on his couch. Tony sat beside Tyson on one couch while Maria, Steve and Thor sat on a perpendicular one. They watched the security camera footage of four men on the front lawn, laughing and drinking, stumbling around shouting profanities and altogether making very little sense as they walked in and out of the cameras line of sight. Maria smirked a few times, while the guys just looked embarrassed.

"Oh, it's Clint." Steve said, relieved when they caught a clear shot of the archer perching on a decorative boulder drinking a beer. After they finished watching the footage, Steve mustered up the courage to speak.

"Well this was very helpful. Now we know that Clint was alive at 3:30 with us."

"Thanks again champ, and again we are so sorry for all of this." Tony addressed Tyson.

"Hey, don't worry about it man, like you said we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up." Tyson replied. They all laughed awkwardly in reply.

After Tyson had escorted the tiger out of Coulson's car, the others got back in and prepared to head back to the hotel. Once they were all in the car and driving, Tony in the drivers seat, Steve in the passengers seat and Maria and Thor in the back, Tony caved in.

"Alright, I think it's officially time we call Romanoff." He said.

"Halleluiah, finally Tony says something that makes sense." Steve grumbled under his breath.

"Well at this point we don't have much of a choice. And who knows, maybe she's heard from Legolas." Tony replied.

"That's what I've been saying." Steve muttered.

"We just need to be completely honest, we need to tell her everything." Tony said as they stopped at a red light.

"Well, we don't have to tell her everything." Steve said slowly, he was just as afraid of Natasha as Tony, and there were several aspects of the night that he'd rather not become public knowledge. "We can leave out the stuff about me marrying a hooker, just stay focused on Clint."

"When are you going to tell me the story behind this woman?" Maria asked leaning foreword. Steve grimaced, but didn't answer.

"What are we going to tell Agent Coulson about his car?" Steve asked instead.

"Don't worry, I built the iron man suit in a cave, I can fix this baby." Tony answered.

As he finished his statement a black van sped out of nowhere and rammed into the vehicle. Glass exploded everywhere as they were forced off the road and into a nearby sign. The van backed up and parked, while Loki, accompanied by the two tattooed men from earlier stepped out of the vehicle.

"Loki! My brother!" Thor called out through the shattered windows as he shook glass off of himself.

"Get out of the car, please." Loki said smoothly, he was now dressed in a nice suit his hair tidied and his general aura of superiority completely restored. The two bodyguards reached through the window, grabbed Stark and Steve and dragged them out onto the road.

"You have something of mine." Loki said evenly, a small smile on his face, while Thor and Maria pulled themselves out of the wrecked vehicle, luckily no one was seriously hurt, just a few cuts from the flying glass.

"What?" Tony asked as he straightened his shirt.

"I've been minding my own business, playing nice." Loki says, "and then you all decide to come and start a fight with me. I EARNED THOSE CHIPS!" He shouted

"Look, Loki, we don't remember anything that happened last night. We were drugged, we didn't even know you were in Vegas." Steve said.

One of the tattooed men spoke.

"You guys met at a casino last night. We ended up winning just under 80 grand."

"No shit, nice." Tony said.

"I put my chips in this bag and you stole it." Loki sneered as he lifted up a satchel identical to the one Jane had given Thor.

"Look, this was obviously just a simple misunderstanding. Thor must have picked up the bag when he left thinking it was the one Jane gave him." Steve said.

"If you want to see your friend again, you'll bring me my chips." Loki said threateningly, ignoring Steve's explanation.

"What?" Steve said.

"Our friend?" Tony mumbled putting things together as he glanced over at Steve.

"You have Clint?" Steve asked. The other bodyguard pounded his fist against the van window, and they glanced inside to see someone with a bag over their head squirming in the back seat.

"Clint!" They all shouted rushing to the car before Loki and the guards stood in their way.

"What do you want brother?" Thor asked.

"I want what I earned. I am sick and tired of you taking what is RIGHTFULLY MINE!" Loki said with a growl as he and his men hopped back into the van. As he started to drive off, they stopped again and he opened his window.

"Bring the money to the big rock in the mohabi desert at dawn" Loki said before driving off, leaving the three avengers and Agent Hill standing next to an almost totalled mercedez-benz.


	9. Chapter 8

They returned to the hotel and began the search for Loki's chips, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

"Fuck." Tony growled from the bar while Steve searched the couch cushions. Maria was digging through Tony's bedroom while Thor was searching through his own.

"You could always just get the money out of your account, you are a billionaire." Steve said as he flung a purple thong out of the crevice between the cushions on one of the couches.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy. Pepper's cut him off. Said he had to get this mess straightened out on his own without wasting their money." Maria said as she emerged from the bedroom.

"How did Pepper find out anyway?" Tony asked. "Did you tell her?" He pointed at Hill accusingly.

"No, Fury did." She replied coolly, her arms crossed over her chest.

"You guys didn't tell Natasha did you?" Steve asked as he gave up on the couches and sat on the floor.  
"Of course not. She's on edge enough as it is, but she will figure it out sooner or later." Maria said. "Especially if there's a money trail to follow."

"She wouldn't go into my account." Tony said. The others glanced at him, doubtful. "Fuck." He grumbled, ruffling his hair.

"We're in Vegas, what if we earn the chips back the same way Loki did." Steve said as Thor walked into the room.

"I am not particularly well versed in gambling, although Jane did try to teach me at one point." He said. "Are any of you proficient at the art?"

"I am" Tony and Maria said simultaneously. They glanced at each other awkwardly.

"But just being good at blackjack might not be enough." Tony said with a slight smirk, "how are you at counting cards Agent Hill?"  
"Probably better than you are." She returned. He raised an eyebrow.

"Really, you don't say. I have to admit I did not take you for a gambler Maria." Tony said. She glared at him, not gracing him with a backstory.

"Well I guess that settles it." Steve said. "Lets go, the sooner we get Clint back the sooner we can go home."

The night was a blur of blackjack, alcohol and victorious screams as Tony and Maria reined triumphant earning back Loki's chips while Steve and Thor cheered them on.

At dawn they all saddled into Coulson's beaten up Mercedes-Benz and drove into the desert. Steve sat in the passenger seat while Tony drove, the other two sat in the back.

"And, 100, 200, 300, 400, and with all of this we have 82,400 dollars." Steve exclaimed after he'd finished counting the cash.

"Yes, I am awesome!" Tony yelled happily. "And you're pretty good too Agent Hill." He added with a lopsided grin. Maria smirked slightly, unwilling to admit just how much she'd enjoyed herself.

"We should do this next week, take the whole city down." Tony smiled.

"Or we could focus on getting Clint back, right now." Steve corrected as he placed the cash into Thor's satchel and handed it back to Maria for safekeeping.

"I think its safe to say our luck has officially turned around guys." Stark said, after shooting Steve a look.

They parked a little ways in front of Loki's van. Loki and his guards stepped out of their car, while Steve and the others did the same.

"Alright, we got the money, 80 grand, cash." Tony called out as they walked over.

"Throw it over, then you'll get your friend back." Loki said with a smirk.

"Before we give you the money, we'd like to see our friend, make sure he's ok." Steve said.

"Of course Captain." Loki said, as he clapped his hands together. One of the bodyguards went to the backseat of the van and yanked out the hostage.

"See, your friend is perfectly fine." Loki said with a smile indicating the struggling prisoner. "Now, my money." Steve nodded to Maria, who grimaced, but threw the bag over anyway.

"It's all there." The guard said after he'd counted the cash.

"Good, let her go." Loki said waving his hand at the other bodyguard.

"Her?" Tony asked as the hostage was shoved over against him and Steve. They removed the bag from her head, revealing a very angry Darcy concealed underneath. Her mouth was taped shut.

"What the hell is this." Tony yelled, "I thought you had Clint?" Loki laughed while Steve gingerly removed the tape from Darcy's mouth.

"Thor, what the hell did you get me wrapped up in?" She yelled at him.

"Darcy, are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine." She said, "just pissed."

"What the hell, Loki." Tony yelled again. "Where's Clint?"

"How should I know? He's your friend." Loki said as he got back into the vehicle.

The group watched the black SUV drive off. Maria glanced at Stark.

"Call Natasha." She said. He groaned and looked at her with puppydog eyes. She just glared at him. Steve looked overall defeated, but nodded at Maria's comment.

"It's time to fill her in." He said. Tony sighed and pulled his phone out of his pocket and started dialing her number as he put some distance between him and the others.

"Romanoff." She answered.

"Natasha, it's Tony." He said.

"Stark, where the hell are you guys. Pepper's freaking out."

Thor sat in the backseat with Darcy filling her in on the events of the trip, while Maria and Steve leaned against the car.

"So what is it with you and tigers anyway?" Maria ventured, glancing at the Captain curiously. He didn't return her look, instead opting to stare out into the desert. He sighed deeply,

"I'll tell you if you share your story with gambling." He bargained.

"Deal." She said shortly.

"When I was younger, before the super soldier serum, I got beat up a lot, which I guess is pretty common knowledge at SHIELD. Once, several years before I became a soldier, a couple of the bastards tried to feed me to a tiger at the local circus. They got me into the cage, and the tiger had me cornered, I probably would have died if the lion handler and a security guard hadn't intervened." He said quietly. "I just haven't been particularly fond of them ever since, it's sort of a phobia of mine." He finished obviously unwilling to go into any more detail, still avoiding her eyes, obviously embarrassed by his own personal kryptonite. She didn't say anything for a moment, pondering the story in her mind.

"My dad was a gambler, and a drinker. After my mom died he got full custody of me so I spent a lot of time in the drunk gambling environment. I got pretty good at it, had to, most of the time whatever I won off of Dad's friends went directly towards my dinner." She said quietly. Steve glanced at her, she could see a bit of pity, which irritated her. That's why she didn't share backstories, she didn't need other peoples pity.

"I'm sorry about your mom." He said quietly.

"Me too. She was a SHIELD agent you know. Died out in the field, she's the reason I joined SHIELD in the first place." Maria said. _Why am I telling him this, I don't tell people things, _she thought to herself, but then again this was Steve, she knew whatever she told him would stay between them.

"I'm sure she would have been proud of you." Steve offered quietly, before the two fell into silence.

"So then we are waiting for the vehicle when the Captain see's Clint's mattress on the roof, it appeared we had thrown it right out of our window!" Thor said gleefully from the car as he talked to Darcy.

"Seriously? What did you do? Punch out the window, those things don't exactly open." Darcy replied. Maria hadn't been listening, but she saw Steve flinch.

"Captain?" She asked.

"I know what happened to Clint!" He said as he turned to face her his hands planting themselves firmly on her folded arms, his eyes had lit up.

"STARK!" Steve shouted as he ran over to where Tony was still on the phone with Natasha. He tackled the man causing the phone to go soaring out of Tony's hands.

"Hello? Stark?" Natasha's voice came over the phone. Steve crawled over and picked it up.

"Tasha, it's Steve."

"Steve, talk to me, what's going on?" She asked.

"Um, nothing, don't listen to Tony, he's completely out of his mind, he's probably still drunk from last night."

"Where's Clint." She asked, clearly not taking him seriously.

"He is paying the bill, we just had a delicious brunch and we're in a big hurry to get back so we have to get going. Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye."

"Wait, Steve. Steve!" She yelled into the phone, but he'd already hung up. "Fuck" she growled.

"What the fuck man?" Tony asked as he shoved Steve off of him.

"I know where Clint is." Steve answered as he got up and ran back to the car with Tony on his heels. He jumped into the driver's seat, while Maria slipped into the back beside Darcy, and Tony had moved into the passengers seat. Once they were driving, Steve explained.

"Remember when we saw the mattress that was impaled on that statue."

"Yeah, that's because we threw it out that window." Tony said.

"No, impossible, you can't open windows in Vegas hotels." Darcy threw in.

"Then how did it…" Tony jumped "Oh my God!" He exclaimed as the realization hit him. Steve laughed slightly.

"Wait, I do not understand." Thor said.

"Clint was trying to signal someone." Steve said.

"Holy shit." Tony chuckled "How'd you figure that out?"

"Something Darcy said while Thor was filling her in." Steve answered.

"Will someone please tell me where Agent Barton is?" Thor said irritated.

"He's on the roof." Maria explained.

"Yes, he's on the roof. We must have taken him up there on his mattress as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof." Tony said.

"Holy shit. You think he's still up there?" Darcy asked.

"Only one way to find out." Steve replied as he accelerated the car, way over the speed limit.

_**So, some serious talk between Captain/Hill, I felt like adding some backstory improv. Also, thank you guys for reviewing, we're in the home stretch only a few more chapters to go :D**_


	10. Chapter 9

"CLINT!" They all shouted as they ran onto the roof, Steve leading the way.

"Hey you up here Legolas?" Tony shouted as he dashed around, searching wildly for his missing friend.

"He's over here!" Steve shouted a few seconds later as he ran over to a corner of shade, where Barton lay, unmoving.

"Hey, you're ok, we've found you." Steve said as he ran over to the man, checking his pulse and making sure he was breathing. He looked tired, and sunburnt and overall very out of it. Clint groaned and his eyes fluttered as Steve tapped his face to wake him up.

"We have been looking everywhere for you." Steve said as he pulled Clint off of the ground. The archer stood shakily, obviously dehydrated and very dazed.

"What the fuck is going on?" Clint asked angrily as he held his throbbing head.

"We can explain everything, or almost everything, but right now we've really gotta go." Tony said as he walked over.

"You alright, Barton?" Maria asked Clint as she walked over.

"No." The archer retorted. "No, I'm not ok." He exclaimed angrily as he started to come back to reality.

"You look good, you got some color, I'm jealous." Tony said, trying not to laugh.

"You look like a tomato." Darcy said with a chuckle.

"What are the girls doing here?" Clint asked. _Natasha_, he suddenly remembered. "Wait, I'm getting married today."

"Yes, and that's why you need to focus and do everything that we say, because frankly you're wasting a bit of time right now Bird Boy." Tony said, glancing at his watch.

"You fucking asshole." Clint snarled as attacked Tony pushing the man to the ground, but the archer pulled back before causing any damage, yelling in pain.

"My skin is burning!" He snarled. "Damn my light skin color."

"I'm sorry, Clint, we'll explain everything on the road." Steve said soothingly, Maria and Thor both started to say something but Clint interrupted them.

"Shut up, just get me home." He said. Steve nodded and reached over to pull him off of the ground, while Thor grabbed Tony.

They sat waiting for the valet to come back with their car, Clint sitting in a wheelchair drinking water with his sunglasses hiding his eyes. Maria and Tony were sitting on a bench with the luggage, while Darcy was leaning against Thor's arm. Steve caught sight of Jade a little ways away sitting on another bench, and despite his misgivings, knew he owed her an apology and an explanation.

"Just…give me a minute." He said to the others as he walked over to her.

"Is he missing a tooth?" Clint asked.

"Yes, that he is." Thor said with a laugh.

"I knew there was something different." Darcy said with a smirk while Tony and Maria chuckled.

"Hey." Steve said as he sat down next to his bride.

"Hey." She replied.

"Listen, Jade I…uh…"

"Look, you don't have to say it, I totally understand this whole thing was a stupid mistake." She said. Steve sighed in relief at her understanding.

The valet drove up and the others started packing the luggage into the trunk.

"Captain!" Thor and Tony called out. Steve glanced over his shoulder then turned back to Jade. They stood up simultaneously.

"I have to go." He said as he awkwardly hugged her. "Bye."

"Bye." She said with a giggle. He went and hopped into the car.

"Alright, lets go." He said as he sat in the backseat next to Tony, Clint and Darcy.

"So how are we going to get back in time for the wedding exactly?" Darcy asked as they started driving. Maria smiled from the drivers seat.

"Don't worry, I've got you guys covered." She said with a smirk. She drove out of the city a ways until the others caught sight of an enormous black plane parked just off the road. It's massive door wide open.

"What the hell did you pull off, Agent Hill?" Tony asked.

"I called a friend." She said with a smile as she drove the car up into the planes interior. Standing a little ways up was a tough looking Asian woman in a long red dress. The group got out of the car, Darcy and Thor staring around them wildly.

"This place is awesome!" Darcy squealed. Maria walked over to the other agent.

"Agent May." She said cordially as she shook the woman's hand.

"Agent Hill." The woman returned.

"Thanks for flying out here, I really appreciate it." Maria said, a ghost of a smile slipped over May's face.

"My pleasure." She said. "Your formal wear is in the main room, there are showers there was well, but make it quick, we're in a rush." May addressed the others before leaving to return to the helm. "Oh, and Barton, you look like crap." She added.

"Who was that?" Steve asked.

"The one and only Agent May." Clint said quietly as he started walking up the stairs and into the Bus's interior.

"Agent Melinda May, one of the best agents in SHEILD. And a friend of mine." Maria clarified. upon seeing how confused Steve still was. "Now, come on. We have a wedding to prepare for." She said with a smile, leading the others up into the plane as it started to take off.

After they'd all showered and dressed they stood at the planes bar, each with a drink in their hands. They would be arriving back at the SHIELD California base shortly for the wedding. Clint sipped his beer.

"At least the trip wasn't a total disaster." He said.

"What makes you say that?" Steve asked as fiddled with his tie.

"When I woke up on the roof I found 80 thousand dollars worth of chips in my pocket." Clint said with a grin as he pointed to where his old clothes were scattered on the couch. Tony screamed in delight.

"Looks like we're going home with some money, guys." Clint said with a grin.


	11. Chapter 10

Natasha was a nervous wreck. Of course her face didn't show it, she was too good at hiding her emotions for that, but her stomach was in a knot nonetheless. Phil sat beside her on the couch, holding her hand tightly in his own, while Pepper whispered soothing words and gently stroked her hair. Normally Natasha would have fought off any attempt at this sort of comfort, but today wasn't exactly a normal day. After Steve had hung up on her she'd been tempted to go grab one of SHIELD's planes and fly out to Vegas to find Clint herself. The only thing that had stopped her was Fury intercepting and explaining that Agent Hill had the situation under control. Whatever that meant. Natasha trusted Hill to find Clint, Maria was good, one of the best. If any Agent, other than Natasha, could track down Clint it would be Maria. So, reluctantly, Natasha had given in to sitting on the couch miserably accepting whatever comfort Phil, and Pepper and occasionally Jane (when she wasn't off searching for Darcy) could offer.

So when the four men, accompanied by Maria, Melinda May and Darcy burst into the room, Natasha's natural instinct was to run up and slap Clint. Which she did, promptly. He winced, and she noticed how burnt his face was, but she was too angry to pity him.

"_Where the hell were you?_" She snarled in Russian. He smiled at her nervously as he gingerly rubbed his cheek where she'd slapped him.

"_It's a really long story, Nat, and honestly, I was unconscious for most of it." _He said. She glared at him and pulled him into a tight hug, her arms wrapping around his neck.

"_Idiot."_ She growled in his ear.

"_I love you too."_ He replied, gently stroking her hair.  
"Alright, come on people, the wedding is starting!" Fury said as he ran in, forcefully taking Natasha's arm and pulling her away from Clint.

"Let's go, we're already running late." Fury said as beckoned for the others to follow.

The wedding proceeded as planned, with Pepper, Jane and Maria as the bridesmaids. Natasha was walked down the isle by Fury, her long gorgeous white dress flowing behind her. Her red hair standing out even more beautifully than normal.

"Where were you." She asked Clint quietly once they were standing side by side at the alter. "And why are you so red."

"Honey, like I said, it's a long story. And you know I have sensitive skin." He said with a very small smirk. She glared at him.

"All I know is that I am so sorry. And I promise for as long as we're married, I will never put you through anything like this again." He looked at her earnestly, staring into the deep green abysses that were her eyes. "Can you forgive me?" He whispered. Her glare slipped slightly turning into a very small smile, as her hand gently slipped into his.

After the ceremony, Tony immediately went to find Pepper, who was cradling a drink at the bar. Once he found her he slipped up behind her and pulled her into a deep kiss. After their lips separated, she punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow." He said, gripping his arm.

"What the hell were you thinking?" She asked. "Do you have any idea how hard this was on Natasha?"

"Look, I'm sorry, it was an accident. But it all turned out okay."

"What the hell happened anyway? Maria said you guys were roofied." She said, the concern evident in her voice.

"Hey, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Tony said with a smile, "but don't worry, we're all fine, and Clint even managed to score 80 grand." Peppers eyebrows went up in surprise, Tony grinned at her reaction. Tony then poured himself a glass of whiskey and leaned against the bar next to Pepper, who was silent. They watched as dancing ensued, Clint taking Natasha's hand and elegantly gliding with her across the floor. Soon they were joined by Coulson and May, Thor and Jane, some of the other guests along with (to Starks amusement) Darcy and an obviously uncomfortable Bruce Banner.

"I was worried sick, you know." Pepper said softly. "You really scared me."

"I'm sorry Pep," Tony's face sobered up as he looked at her, "it was an accident, I swear. I'd never do that to you on purpose." She smiled a bit and nodded.

"Walk with me?" He asked indicating the lovely gardens that wrapped around the back of the SHIELD base. Pepper nodded and slipped her hand into his as they set their drinks down and started walking along the path. Once they were out of sight of the party, Tony stopped and turned to face Pepper, holding both her hands in his. She smiled at him, the sun glinting beautifully off of her hair. He sighed deeply glancing at his feet before looking at her again.

"Look, Pepper…I know I'm not the easiest man to be around, and I can't change that." He started, she furrowed her brow, wondering where he was going with this.

"But I want you to know that I love you more than anything else in this world, which is why…" He let go of her hand and plunged his into his pocket, removing the little black velvet box. He moved down onto one knee, opening the box he looked up at Pepper, who's hand was covering her mouth in shock.

"Virginia Pepper Potts… will you marry me?" Tony asked. Pepper let out something between a laugh and a hiccup.

"Of course." She said tears running down her face while she grinned wildly. Tony grinned and stood up again, he gently took her left hand and slid the ring onto her finger. Pepper was laughing through her tears as she admired the ring for a moment, before placing one hand on his cheek and pulling him in for a kiss. Tony pulled her up against his chest, elated. Pepper's hand went up and combed through his hair while he rubbed one hand up her back. When they finally slipped apart, both completely out of breath and grinning wildly, Tony took her hand in his and led her back to the wedding feeling happier than he ever had before.

While Tony was at the bar talking to Pepper, Maria was watching the dancing from the other side of the dance floor. She smiled slightly as she watched Clint take Natasha's hand and guide her up onto floor, the two danced in much the same way that they sparred. Graceful, elegant and in an almost choreographed manner, watching from the sidelines you could never really tell who was leading and who was following. After the newly weds had danced for a while the others began to follow them onto the dance floor. Thor and Jane led the way, the asgardian was clumsy initially, but Jane was helping him to get his footing. To Maria's amusement Coulson and Melinda had started dancing as well, Melinda was glaring at him while he grinned back at her, Maria could tell they were talking but was too far away to hear what they were saying, although May's glare lessened significantly. Darcy was standing next to Bruce, trying to coax him into dancing.

"Oh come on, it'll be fun, and it's not like you're gonna Hulk out anyway. Pretty please." Darcy was saying while holding his hand by the wrist and going through the motions of trying to drag him onto the dance floor. He groaned.

"I really don't dance, Darcy." He said.

"That's ok, I can teach you." She said happily, while Bruce reluctantly followed her.

Maria's gaze was pulled away from the couples as Steve walked over to stand beside her.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked as he offered her his hand. She glanced at him, uncertain, she'd never been big on dancing.

"Sure. Why not." She said. He smiled at her, his blue eyes glinting slightly as she slipped her hand into his. He lead her up into the crowd of other dancers and she felt his hand slide gently around her waist. They danced for a few minutes, neither one venturing to speak.

"You look beautiful." He commented finally. She smiled slightly, her dark red bridesmaids dress flowing gently around her as they danced.

"Thanks." She said quietly. "You clean up pretty nice yourself." She commented, he smiled at her. They continued to dance silently, at some point their stance had changed and she found herself leaning gently against his chest, she closed her eyes, realizing that for the first time in a very very long time, she felt safe.

"Agent Coulson." Clint said as he walked into Coulson's office after the wedding. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, congratulations." Phil said with a smile. "You had us worried there for a second. How was Vegas?"

"It was, uh, crazy." Clint said as he sat down in front of Phil's desk.

"Did you enjoy the car?" Coulson asked.

"Uh huh." Clint said nervously. _He's going to kill me, he's going to murder me then set my body on fire and the put me in the car and force me to drive it into the ocean._

"Let me ask you a question. How can a cake cost 1400 dollars?" Coulson asked as he looked over the paperwork for the wedding.

"Huh, highway robbery." Clint said nervously. _I've got to come clean, he's pissed anyway, maybe I can at least come across on the high ground it's not like it was my fault the car got wrecked, I was trapped up on a roof. _"Phil, about the car…"

"Natasha told you. I told her not to tell you, I wanted to tell you." Phil said angrily.  
"Tell me what?" Clint asked, now completely confused.

"My car, she's a wedding gift to you."

"Are you serious?" Clint laughed in relief. "That is awesome. Thank you." _Thank God, you dodged a bullet on that one Clint._

Later on, the guys sat out on lawn chairs.

"Clint, I have to say this was a gorgeous wedding." Steve said.

"I give it six months." Tony said with a smirk.

"You're a dick." Steve mumbled into his drink.

"I don't know what to say. Thanks for the bachelor party I guess." Clint said.

"Yeah," Steve chuckled, "I just wish we could remember some of it."

"Oh, by the way, Pepper said yes." Tony said. "We're engaged!"  
"Congratulations, that's great man!" Clint exclaimed.

"Even after we went awol? She still married you?" Steve asked, more surprised than anything.  
"What can I say, she's my soulmate." Tony said with a shrug, though he was grinning.

"Look what I found." Thor said as he walked over happily, holding a camera in one hand.

"Hey, that's my camera?" Steve said.

"Yes, I found it in the car." Thor said.

"Oh god, are there photos on it?" Tony asked.

"Indeed." Thor returned.

"Gimme it." Tony said taking the camera from Thor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Steve said, placing a hand on the camera to stop Tony from looking.

"Wait," Clint said as he stood up, taking the camera out of Tony and Steve's hands, "we look at these pictures together, one time, and then we delete the evidence."

"I say we delete it right now." Steve said standing up as well.

"Are you nuts? I want to find out how I ended up in the hospital." Tony said as he jumped out of his chair.

"Guys, one time." Clint said. "Deal?" The others readily agreed and they began looking through the horrifying evidence of the night they couldn't remember.

_**THE END :D :D **_

_**So what did you guys think? I hope I didn't mess this up too bad. It was a lot of fun to write, maybe I'll go on to avengerify the other Hangover movies in the future, I don't know, let me know if that would be something you guys would want to read. Thank you so much for following and reviewing this story, I really appreciate it.**_


End file.
